Fear Of English

 I wrote in English regularly in my blogs and FB, many of you may be read my articles ( If any one really read any of my article seriously) you will come to know that my command over the English language is not at all good I have done many mistakes whenever I write, I am still not very comfortable in this language, its a fear that developed in many Indians just like me in childhood I never use to read any English book or any newspaper I thought the person who is able to speak perfect English is a very intelligent person who belongs from upper class, just like me most of the Indians comes in the influence of persons who are very fluent in English, if a person is speaking English than he/she is definitely right if two person are in a argument the person who is good in English in the two easily outsmart the other person or the other person gives up usually with out giving a fight even if he/she is factually more strong still he/she don't want that people come to know that they are not good in English, most the time when a person meets me who is very good in English if he said something I just say yes, yes in every of his point sometime I try to give any counter argument but I have to give up because I don't get the right word in right time either I have to speak in Hindi or I have to dodge the conversation just like many of us do( or may be don;t do) even because of English I keep away myself away from social media for very long time, when I started my FB and twitter account I start writing in it but I have to very cautious every time still most of the time I had committed silly mistakes, actually I am not suppose to write anything here because I never sure that what I actually want to convey to the people is properly communicate or not? English is always weakest link for many of us I don't know how many people earning in the name of teaching good speaking English, whenever I go outside any part of India I saw one or two adds there about some spoken English classes many of the students from Hindi medium or the regional medium are also dealing with the same phobia which I suffered and still suffered, I met some students who are very wall aware of the situations of the current affairs of the world and they are very well hold of there respective subject but they are not very confident whenever they have to face someone who is very good in English they generally drop the thought to compete with the person who is good in English, I am able to read English and understand the language but yes I have to work hard in it its not very easy for me honestly, so whenever I have to speak it either I give up or I have to rely on my half knowledge in my day to day life I don't feel any tension whenever I deal with English but when I have to debate with someone is specific matter I just can't do it, I try to find an easy way to escape from there, my colloquial English is not at all good, where many guys who are through out studied in English medium have good colloquial skills in English may be they are also not very good in Grammar but there fluency hide there poor command in grammar these guys are generally escape from writing anything( not all the guy's from English medium some of them). In law practice also the students who come from the national law universities are well equipped with the technical English terms , which I lacked ( I lacked them because I have done my law from English medium but our teachers taught us in Hindi and they don't teach us anything in English so I weak in technical terms in both the languages English and Hindi as well) my knowledge is limited which I get in these years of practice, so whenever I stand in courts I have to be very careful many times I commit mistakes, when I dealing with the interns then also I have to be very careful because technically and academically they are far more superior and well equipped and I am very ill prepared according to there standards in all sense I am proving myself weaker in the interns eyes also, I had translated many legal documents from English to Hindi and Hindi to English but I still said I am just a beginner, I have to be very vigilant whenever I am writing anything in English I have to rely on dictionary to much many of the word are alien to me I have to take help of dictionary otherwise I am not able to stand anywhere, only few times I used to speak English in Courts, but I draft all the applications in English because I know Judge can't reject any of my application because of my poor English and the other reason drafting in Hindi is more difficult as compare to English. I write this article to my friends who think that there weakness is English is a matter of shame, for them I just want to say one thing that brother I am writing with my poor command over the languages for a long time now all the world know that how poor I am in English before someone saying me that 'you got caught' I told to the world that yes you caught me right now all of you who thought that English is essential for being successful is wrong at least its not a compulsion that all of you know English well, but one thing I want to tell you( for younger guys from me) that if you want to finish the dominance of English from India than first thing you have to do is you have to learn English properly as student and then give respect to Hindi or your mother tongue until and unless you do this you can't come out of the fear of 'The English'. Brothers don't do the mistake which I committed years before to run away from the English language you have to face and stop regretting the fact that you are not well versed in English, many eminent people don't know English before but after they give little bit time they become proficient in it, even Mahatma Gandhi said that I am not very good in English( although he was a Bar -at -law from London's linclon's inn) I try to improve myself daily ( God only knows when I able to consider myself proficient in English) but yes I accept to whole that I am feared of this language and its a fact, but yes one day I come out of this fear to my young friend I just want to said that I don't know any of you read me or not if someone read this than I must say don't do the mistake I do years before never left any discussion just because some one is bulling you with his better control of his/her colloquial English you also give a proper fight stand with them toe to to maximum you loose the verbal fight but you win confidence after some times you find that you are better hold of the language once you get the hold you starts come of the hold of the fear that grab you from your early days of education, one who knows English is not necessarily better that you in knowledge also just stop feel pity on yourself that you don't know good English you try you learn one day if you run from it like many of my seniors and friends did you never able to come out this fear .
Amarnath Chakravaty